fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round...and make for great television.

Hellllloo everybody. How are you this evening? Good? Good. How am I? Well I would be better, but I was unfortunate enough to catch the end of an awful FOX show called "More to Love" this evening where I witnessed overweight girls fighting to win the heart of an equally overweight "normal" (how FOX is pitching him) man. As I was finishing up a late dinner, I was hanging ten through the channels when suddenly I came across a show I thought was The Bachelor. I then took a second look at the excited girls when I suddenly realized that they were bouncing around more than Barney Frank on a pogo stick. THESE GIRLS WERE FAT AND ON A DATING SHOW. I have nothing against fat girls, I have nothing against fat guys, I have nothing against anyone (for the most part,) but what I do have a problem with is reality TV dating shows that try and cater to the "fat" demographic. I mean, it is complete bullshit. People like watching dating shows because (if anything) they like to live vicariously through the people on the show, not try and directly relate with them! Like, when fat girls are watching The Bachelor they want to BE the skinny girl who gets picked by the hot guy. They like the fact that when they are watching the show they can imagine themselves to be the skinny pretty girl for a sec, and not the fat girl sitting on the couch at home. And remember the "normal" guy? The guy who is overweight himself? Yeah. See it's just not fair. FOX is sending all of these mixed signals. It's like "Hey you can be fat and be on a dating show, but since there is no chance in hell you're gonna score someone attractive, we are gonna give you a normal fat guy to go after." It's actually very funny. If FOX is gonna let fat girls be on a dating show, they need to have other dating shows that allow for other people who usually wouldn't be considered get their chance as well. For instance, I'm proposing a dating show for the blind called "Braille Tail" or a dating show for people in wheelchairs called "Wheel Chance at Love." Do you see what I'm getting at people? The reason I think that this show is ridiculous is because it labels these fat girls as FAT GIRLS! It just screams "Even though these girls are fat, they can still be on this dating show because FOX understands and appreciates fat people, but we will be naming the show 'More to Love,' because, after all, fat girls are hilarious." Despite what I may think, I guess these girls do wanna be on the show and be known for being "that fat girl on that fat girl reality dating show" for the rest of their lives. If that's fine with them, it's fine with me. It gives me something to smile about and, more importantly, gives fat girls everywhere hope that maybe someday they will get to meet an overweight, totally normal and unexciting guy, just like them. Thanks for giving them hope FOX!

indie gurlz love zooey deschanel

So like, what the fuck. I may be hearing things, or maybe even assuming things, but a very strange phenomenon has hit the indie kid population. Now, I wouldn't even be bringing this up if I haven't heard so many girls talk about this within the past few days, but from what I have gathered the news is very alarming. Zooey Deschanel is taking over the fragile hearts of the vintage dress wearing, thick brimmed non-prescription glasses sporting, indie girl population. With her charming city girl next door looks, engagement to Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie, and appearances in cute movies that like totes make you think about life and love and stuff, Zooey Deschanel is making indie girls everywhere want to be her more than ever. Now it's easy for an actress like Zooey to attract boys, I mean she is a total babe, but Zooey is taking her charm to the next level by making self-conscious, confused indie girls everywhere fall in love with her, along with all of the other indie shit indie girls fall in love with everyday. Since the release of her new film, 500 days of Summer, I have heard way too much about Zooey Deschanel. I never want to hear the term "girl crush" ever again. I am afraid, my friends, that Zooey is doing this all on purpose. I have no doubt in my mind that a complete indie girl brain wash is iminent, and that sooner rather than later Zooey Deschanel will be turning all of these girls into ZOBOTZ!!!

I will keep you posted.

John Hughes Made My Heart Smile

Wow. Let's get serious for a sec. I am up very late, again I might ad. As I sit here and dick around on the internet, I have just remembered something terribly sad that I learned about earlier today (or yesterday I guess?). Someone who has been largely responsible for my sense of humor, and maybe even some sense of comfort throughout my life, has passed away. John Hughes, responsible for films like Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Uncle Buck passed away two days ago. After hearing of this news, I forced myself to think back at the films that John Hughes has made over the years and figure out what the hell I got from them. Now, you and I know that when you watch a movie and you feel that sense of comfort inside you, that feeling of joy and contentment, that you don't think about the root of that feeling or what goes behind it, but rather you are just content with being content. As I have grown older, writing, especially film and comedic writing, has become something that I have aspired to do. It has also been something that I have realized isn't easy at all. It isn't easy to write a story, convey the emotions and actions of a character and then tie all things together into a theme for the whole film or work. It's not something you think about when you are young. You don't think about what goes into making you laugh, you just like to laugh and feel good. You like to feel like the bad guys are going away and everything will be fine. I mean how many of us laughed in Home Alone when Kevin did everything but castrate Harry and Marv? The little kids won! And anyone who is my age was a little kid when the Home Alone movies were big. A majority of my favorite John Hughes films were filmed before I was even born, but still were so relevant to me and the way I felt at the age that I watched them. I remember the first time I saw the Breakfast Club, I thought it was the greatest thing that I had ever seen. The way Hughes wrote the characters so that everyone was cool in their own way had an impact on not only how I thought about myself, but how I thought of other people. And Uncle Buck, that movie has been a favorite of my brother and I for years, and he is 3 years younger than me. We still quote that movie. The bottom line is that Hughes' work is timeless. It will always be making you laugh and giving you that unexplainable feeling of comfort and looking back on it, I recognize the importance of him in my life more than ever before. I have never even met the guy but, thanks for the laughs Mr. Hughes.

AN INTRODUCTION!

slappy stinker billy mays quickie

SO, Billy Mays had cocaine in his system when he died. That sux majorlyz. People are sad. I am sad, Billy mays sold me things I didn't even buy. THAT'S HOW GOOD HE WAS! If I was taking the Pepsi challenge, Billy Mays could have convinced me I was drinking root beer. I hate to say this, and I would hate to make any assumptions, but taking into account that Billy's on set energy was comparable to an enthusiastic cruise ship activities director on speed, I would dare to say this wasn't the first time that Billy done did a little coke. It is sad anytime someone's death may have been directly attributed to drugs, especially when this person seemed "drug free" and had a family, but then again can it really be a surprise? Billy Mays wasn't an "A list" celebrity, but people knew him for his energy and ability to sell Oxi Clean to a homeless guy. Could it be that he was getting old and cocaine helped him to be the Billy Mays that you knew and loved? Did he feel pressure from the public to keep going and going and going? Was that why he did the cocaine? Did Billy Mays die because YOU wanted an entertaining infomercial?! I mean these thingz sound ridic, but maybe. Right? I mean any time you're in the public eye, and have this kind of pressure, drugs may seem to be the quick fix to your energy problems or something that you can't live without. Again, I don't know why or under what circumstances Billy Mays did cocaine ALL OF THIS IS ASSUMPTION, but I'm sorry Billy Mays if I was pressuring you. I really am. I stay up too late, and watching your infomercials knowing you aren't around anymore won't be an easy task. Fuck Vince from ShamWow. I bet he's doing coke too. But he's an ass wipe who would probably doing coke anyways.

R.I.P.-Billy Mays

"Billy the Kid" T-Shirts coming soon! (maybz)

starting thisss again

This blog will be started up by me, Slappy Stinker, again in an attempt to do something productive with my time and to make you fuckers be informed and laugh as well. What you will get from this blog is nothing that you wouldn't from the evening news or smoking marijuana, but now you don't have to watch or smoke anything that is not on THIS blog. I'm your new drug, and I'm addicting as hell. This blog will also contain personal commentary on several different issues, because I want it to. Whether it's proposition 8 or mall dress codes, you ask I tell. Did someone say that they wanted advice? That's what I thought. This is now an advice blog. We will also be covering music because I'm good at that too. So I guess it's official, this blog is an everything blog. An array of primary issues, or "colors." What do you get when you mix all of the primary colors together? You get black, which happens to be my last name. Are you getting this yet? Of course not, but you will.